Finding Infinity (Infinity Series) Read online

  He stands up, offering me his hand. Dear God, what is Colin doing? I take it, blindly, not having an idea what’s going on. Then, I soon realize that we’re standing, and walking up the center aisle of the auditorium, headed for the three sets of closed double doors in the back. I see everyone staring at us in shock, surprise, amazement and confusion. We’re the car accident, and everyone is rubbernecking. My eyes lock on Liza’s. Her hands go to her mouth as she stares at me.

  The audience is silent. The comedian is silent.

  Colin’s grip on my hand is painful. He’s walking, more determinedly than I’ve ever seen him. He has his eyes fixed on the exit sign. I feel like I’m almost running to stay by his side. I follow him, not saying a word until we’re out the auditorium doors. They slam behind us, which reminds me just how eerily quiet it really is.

  Colin’s drops my hand, and blood returns to it in a gush of painful prickles. He runs his hands through his hair, and begins pacing back and forth. I recognize this for what it is. Colin just reached his breaking point. He’s me, seeing Alice iron my underwear. It’s something small. What the comedian said was not something new or original. It’s not something that hasn’t been theorized in the press for the previous weeks. But, hearing the words come out of the comedian’s mouth while I was sitting next to him, was the last straw for Colin.

  Some producer, or director, or someone who seems to have an important job rushes over to us, apologizing like crazy for the comedian’s remarks. I’m too stunned to fully register what he’s saying, but he’s definitely trying to talk us out of leaving. Next, we’re joined by Brad, Aiden, and Jenny. They start chiming in on the conversation, trying to calm Colin down.

  I feel my blood pressure rising, and it’s not from the inappropriate remarks made by the comedian. How dare they? How can our friends be blind to what I see so clearly? Colin might be a super athlete. He might be one of the most recognizable men in the world. But he’s still just a man. He has feelings too. His heart beats with the same red blood as everyone else’s. He feels pain and anger. He’s not a robot, and he shouldn’t have to take abuse from anyone, especially someone who makes mean remarks about people for a living.

  I finally snap out of my shock and say, just to Colin, ignoring the large group of people that have now surrounded us, “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I love you. We can leave and go back to our hotel.” I take his hands in mine, and look into his green eyes. “You. Don’t. Have. To. Stay. Colin.”

  That’s all the permission he needs. Without an explanation to the group that is still chirping at him, trying to convince him to go back inside and have a seat, or our friends who are desperately trying to calm him down, we walk out the side entrance of the theater, hand in hand. One boy who’s hurting, that’s loved infinitely by his one girl.

  We leave the limo for Brad, Jenny, and Aiden. Colin hails a cab, and asks the driver to pull in at In and Out Burger.

  The next day, Colin releases his complete medical history to the media. He also issues the results of a hair follicle drug test, which is negative for all chemical substances. I reviewed his test results and medical records first. He’s been extremely healthy, except for an intolerance to alcohol, and one bout of acute food poisoning.

  Chapter Six

  Charlie

  Colin McKinney, walking out of the Espy Awards, is nothing more than another example of a spoiled, rich, entitled athlete behaving poorly. I mean, seriously, what did the comedian say that was so bad? Can’t take the heat, McKinney? Then get out of the kitchen. When you’re paid millions of dollars a year to throw a football, suck it up if someone wants to talk about your private life. You want us to buy your clothes, eat at your restaurants, wear your underwear? Then sit there like a man and take it.

  * * * *

  The romantic side of Colin McKinney is something that we’re not used to seeing from the veteran quarterback. Women across America are swooning, and it’s not just his good looks. Who says that chivalry is dead?

  * * * *

  Who is the woman by quarterback Colin McKinney’s side? Here’s what we know. They met at Texas A&M, and apparently dated in college and during his first year in the NFL. What happened to their relationship? Speculation is rampant. Sources close to Charlie Collins are saying that Colin had a roaming eye, and she fled to Harvard Medical School to end the relationship. When did she reenter his life? Good question. Entertainment reporter Sasha Stone, who dated the quarterback for six months, believes that they’ve had an ongoing relationship for quite some time.

  Here’s what we know about Doctor Charlie Collins. She prefers to go by Caroline. She’s currently not working as a doctor. Her last long-term relationship was with Doctor Adam Kennsington, as in Kennsington Manufacturing. CharCol is engaged, and they may already be married. Stay tuned right here for the latest on CharCol Gate.

  I firmly believe that the entirety of a life is defined by a few key moments. For me, those are my dad leaving my mom to raise four little girls, while he indulged in his new wife. Me choosing to be a doctor, going to Harvard, and leaving Colin is another one. Me being stronger than my illness, and choosing the harder path to be with Colin is one, too. And Colin taking my hand, and unceremoniously walking us out of the Espy Awards marks the ending of one chapter of my life, and the beginning of another.

  It’s a week later and we’re still experiencing the fallout. We’re the number one trending story on Twitter. We’re ranked first in Google searches. Through my association with Colin, I’ve now earned the title of “celebrity.” It’s laughable to me.

  The day after we walked out, I was flooded with job offers, everything from being a host on a popular daytime talk show, to being the medical expert for a sports network. Not to mention the requests for interviews, an invite to be on a reality television show, and—here’s my favorite—some entertainment show wants me to be a sports reporter. That made me laugh. Me, work for the media? Not in this lifetime!

  Apparently, Colin and I have the distinct honor of being the first couple to walk out of an awards show. Our actions have been debated by so-called experts on major news stations, like CNN and Fox News. We were the lead story on the morning talk shows.

  Colin released a statement to the media. It read, in part, “I can appreciate a good joke, and I’m not above self-deprecating humor. However, I felt Mr. Franks’ joke, regarding Doctor Collins and myself, was uncalled for and insulting. I cannot record a public service announcement speaking out against bullying, and then allow myself and my fiancée to be the recipients of such action. I hope that kids across America will see me as an example to turn the other cheek and walk away.”

  If I weren’t so close to the situation, I’d be fascinated by the mixed public reactions. There are really two sides. There are those who feel that what Colin did was chivalrous and brave, and think he’s a hero. The other side believes that Colin is a public figure. He gets paid truckloads of money to throw a football, so taking comedians’ jabs is part of the territory. He’s also a role model for children. Is storming out of an awards ceremony really the best way to handle hurt feelings? However, the only side that matters to me is Colin’s, and right now, he’s not in a good place.

  Before Wednesday night, Colin was a household name. But really, no one knew much about Colin the person. To the rest of the world, he was a super athlete, businessman, clothing designer, model with an extremely handsome face, investor, and a guy who’s dated a few models and celebrities over the years. No one really knew anything about his personality. Even in the interview that we did, Colin didn’t open up and give away too much.

  That all changed when my man took my hand, stood up during the opening monologue of the Espy Awards, and walked us out of the theater. While two TV cameras followed our exit, the auditorium, and the comedian who stood on stage, was silent. Now, even tribesmen in New Guinea know who Colin McKinney is and what he did.

  When we’d arrived home from Los Angeles, Colin had surprised m
e by converting his pool house into my own space, complete with furniture from my town home. I love it, and love him for being so generous. We also have four giant oak trees in the front yard. I haven’t gotten any explanation as to why they’re there, other than when Jenny said, “Colin wanted big fucking trees.” As if that explained everything.

  We’ve had to increase security. My converted pool house is now where our two full-time security guards are stationed, twenty-four hours a day. The sweet guard at the entrance to the gilded cage hangs out with a full-time guy that is on our staff. I’d thought I was a prisoner before. Now, we’re at a whole new level of personal protection. I bet the First Lady and I could swap stories about secure lives.

  I have a new mobile phone number. I’ve had the same number since I got my phone for graduation from high school. My new one is part of the phone carrier’s secure program that they only offer to elite celebrities. My number now has a Dallas area code. I politely asked if I could exchange it for a Houston number. My fiancé gave me a very dirty look, so I dropped it.

  Since we’ve returned to Dallas, he’s been quiet. Scary quiet. Colin doesn’t smile, and if he laughs, it sounds forced. He’s spent a lot of time with his trainer, lifting weights in the home gym. His sleep is restless, or non-existent.

  Sex with Colin has been about him claiming me as his own. He’s distant. I don’t get the affirmations of love and gentle caresses. It’s him, using my body to reassure himself that I’m still his. I’m being compliant, hoping that this is what he needs, but I miss our sweet, fun, lovemaking.

  He blames himself for making me a name that now slips so easily off the public’s tongues. Each time a reporter says it, I watch him cringe. I’ve called Aiden, and he should be arriving at our home shortly.

  Colin’s swimming laps in the pool, and I’m standing in the dining room, staring out the window. If Aiden can’t help pull him out of this funk, I’m not sure what else to try.

  The town car service drops Aiden off at the front door, and I rush out to greet him. He puts his hands on his hips, and stares at the house. “What’s with the forest in the front yard?”

  “Jenny says Colin wanted big fucking trees.” I purse my lips letting him know I’m just as perplexed as he is.

  He shakes his head, and pulls me into a light embrace. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Well, I’m glad that you get to see me. Wish it was under better circumstances.”

  “Thanks for dropping everything and coming. You’re my last hope.” We walk together, through the front entrance, and then Aiden drops his bags in our massive foyer.

  “I’ve asked Mark to fly in for this meeting,” Aiden says in a neutral tone. “Colin might be angry at him, but Mark’s good.” Aiden drops his eyes, and looks away from me. “Caroline, I was with Mark when we found Colin.” I realize that he’s talking about Colin’s overdose. I would never bring it up with Aiden, but I’m glad that he’s openly sharing with me. “He was scared shitless. So was I. But the first thing that Mark did was protect Colin. While I sat with Colin and waited for the ambulance, Mark went through every bit of his house to make sure there was no evidence of anything. I just can’t see him turning around and telling a media person such a deep, dark secret. Especially a secret that he covered up.”

  I listen to what Aiden is saying, and I tend to agree. “Thanks for telling me. I’m glad you invited Mark. Whatever it takes,” I reassure him, rubbing his arm.

  Aiden and I walk together to the kitchen in silence. It’s a comfortable silence that two longtime friends can share. I think that we’re both deep in thought about what to do for Colin. “Would you like a drink? Iced tea? Water? Beer? Something stronger?”

  Aiden cracks a smile. “I’ll take the something stronger.”

  I pour him a glass of Knob Hill over ice, and hand it to him. “It’s so much nicer having you in the house. I get booze again.”

  My face falls, and I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me. I’m not sure why Aiden’s offhand comment affects me so much, but it does. It never occurred to me that Colin didn’t keep alcohol before I moved in. I make a mental note to talk to Jenny about it. I’ve never thought of Colin as an addict. Is having booze around tempting to him?

  We walk outside together, and sit on a sun lounger by the pool. Neither of us wants to disturb Colin. We talk about things of no importance, like the television show that him and Colin watch on FX called The League. Colin made an appearance on it last year; the guys still laugh about it.

  I don’t mention Rachael. Their relationship seems to be such a touchy subject, and I’m not sure why.

  As we chat, I watch Colin cut through the water with such precise strokes, that he looks more like an Olympic swimmer than a football player. He’s attacking the water. He doesn’t just push off from the wall when he makes a turn, he drives off, with such force that I’m half expecting the wall of the swimming pool to crumble.

  Aiden takes another swig of his drink. “Maybe Colin missed his true calling. Swimming?”

  I sigh. “What doesn’t he do well?”

  “Obviously staying seated during an awards show.” Aiden lightly elbows me in the ribs. I flash him a dirty look. “Too soon?”

  “Yeah. I don’t quite see the humor in the situation yet.”

  “You know, Caroline, he walked out because the comedian insulted you,” he says, very seriously.

  Aiden just confirmed what I’ve suspected. If the joke had just been about Colin, he’d have stayed seated. It’s because the comedian cracked a joke about me being Colin’s dealer that Colin got so upset. I guess he really had paid attention in the hotel room in New Orleans, when I gave him my integrity speech.

  After twenty minutes of watching Colin punish the water for its unknown crime, he finally looks up and sees the two of us watching him. He stops swimming, and makes his way over to the side of the pool without acknowledging us. I watch him push up out of the water using the pool’s lip, straightening his long, muscular arms. He places one foot on the edge of the pool, and climbs out. He moves with the grace of the elite athlete that he is.

  Colin stands up straight, and does a slight shimmy that causes water droplets to fly through the air. He cocks his head to one side and then the other, draining the water out of his ears. He turns his back to us, and walks over to his discarded towel. Then, he methodically dries himself, and wraps and tucks the towel around his slender waist.

  When he turns around to walk toward us, his face is unreadable. I look desperately, hoping to find some clue as to what he’s thinking, but he’s got his game face on. There’s no telling.

  “Hey, butt nugget! Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?” Aiden says, cheerfully. “In this country, it’s customary to say hello to someone when they’ve flown fifteen hundred miles to see you.”

  Colin’s face doesn’t change. “Hello Aiden. I’m assuming that Charlie asked you to come deal with me. Thanks, but no thanks. There’s nothing to discuss.” Colin turns and walks into the house.

  I’m stunned, and I’m clueless as to what my next move should be. I look at Aiden for support.

  “Wow! If he’s not pleased to see me, then what’s he going to say about Mark?” Aiden smirks. That’s the nice thing about their friendship. There’s really nothing Colin can do that fazes Aiden. He’s seen him at his worst and best, and they still genuinely like each other.

  “Shit! I forgot about Mark. Let me go see what I can do. Make yourself at home, Aiden. I’m not sure how long I’ll be.” I toss the words out over my shoulder, as I go inside the house to find Colin.

  When I walk into the bedroom, I see him sitting in the formerly red chair from my town home. He’s still in his bathing suit, with the towel wrapped around his waist. His forearms are resting on his legs, and his head is hung low.

  I walk over and sit on the floor, Indian style, in front of him. “Baby, I’m worried about you,” I say softly.

  “I need time, Caroline,” he says in a dead voice, without looki
ng at me, “and space. I need everyone to leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “No, what you need is for someone to take our spot on the most Googled list.” I try to make a joke, but it doesn’t garner the reaction that I was hoping for.

  “That too,” he replies, still staring at his feet.

  “Can I sit on your lap?” I secretly cross my fingers that he’s not going to tell me no.

  He picks his head up, and gives me a small half smile. “Like you have to ask.”

  He leans back in the chair, and I crawl on top of him, straddling his legs. I can feel the dampness of his towel through my jeans, but I don’t care. He’s letting me love him.

  I begin to softly trail kisses along his cheeks, feeling his day-old stubble prick my lips. I work my way down his neck and to his collarbone. He drops his head back, giving me better access to his sweet spot, just where his neck meets his shoulder. Colin reaches up and wraps his arms around me. “My love, my life,” he breathes.

  When I started, I only wanted to kiss him and try to take some of the hurt away. However, I sense how much he needs me in this moment. Maybe Colin just needs to be loved and cared for? Maybe I can be the one to make him better.

  I kiss my way back up to his left ear. I whisper, “You are my heart.” Then I trail kisses to his right ear. “You’re my soul.” I kiss my way to his lips. “You are mine, and I am yours. Forever. Infinity.”

  I take his lips and begin to kiss him, softly and gently. This is about making love to him. Reassuring him that I’m not going anywhere unless we go together. We’re a packaged deal. This is not going to cause me to leave him, or to get sick again. I need to show him how much stronger I am.

  I feel his hardness against my behind. It’s the reassurance that I need that he wants this also. I leave his lips, and kiss my way down his neck to his chest. I lovingly nip and bite both of his nipples. He lets out a very gratifying moan, and he gently grabs my hair that’s pulled back in a ponytail. I feel him working to get the rubber band out of it. When he’s accomplished his goal, he begins running his fingers like a comb through my hair. It feels so good that I’m momentarily distracted from my journey south.